Weigh in day #1

Ok. I am going to try to keep this positive. But it's going to take A LOT of effort! I thought I had done SOOOOO well this week.

NO FAST FOOD! (huge accomplishment)
at least 125ozs of water a day
NO SODAS!! (did break down. I drank 1/3 of a diet 7up, funny enough, didn't miss it!)
Walked 4 days this week for 30 mins.

On Thursday, I finally got to CVS and got my BP meds and diuretic. I was pretty miserable all week until then, and Thursday was downright scary I could hardly breath. I left work early to go home and prop my feet up for hours while I tried to get the swelling down.

I went to Weight Watchers today to weigh-in, still a little swollen but I though AT LEAST a 5 lb loss, and secretly thought it would be more.

1.friggin2 lbs lost

I was pissed

Still am

Do you KNOW the agony I went through fighting gargantuan fast food-binge cravings? I am sure many of you do. It helped that I have NO money right now. Certainly not enough to waste on Taco Bell. I seriously walked out of Weight Watchers, outwardly positive but saying to myself as I waddled back to my car:

"1.2 stupid lbs!! That's a bowel movement!! Good thing I pooped this morning or I would have GAINED!! All that work!! It's not flippin' worth it!!"

That is precisely when I started to bawl.

NOT because I had worked so hard and lost so little, but because in that moment, I almost gave up. My spirit was SCREAMING at me! SHUT UP!! It is SOOO worth it!! 1 lb a week is 52 lbs a year!! That is 10% of your weight! You KNOW that it's not always going to be such a small number, stop being so hard on yourself and KEEP GOING! (and here I am bawling again)

WE ARE WORTH IT YOU GUYS!! You HAVE to know that!! There is a HUGE life out there waiting for us to live! We DO NOT need the ranch, and I am still determined to prove that!

This week I have learned that I AM A POWERFUL WOMAN!! Strong enough to overcome my crack dealer waiving his Fried Chicken in my face WHILE jonesin' for that fried chickeny goodness. THAT IS A GIGANTIC VICTORY!! All I have to do is keep piling up these victories, from the HUGE ones, to the tiny 1.2 lb ones. One day, all those victories, added up, will give me the life I was born to live. YOU have this power too.

This next week I am going to start to count points and calories. I am interested to see how many calories I end up with if I stay within my allotted points on the Weight Watcher program. Stay tuned!!


Blessings to you all, and thank you SO much for supporting me.

A good day!

Nothing terribly notable about today, except that it was another VICTORY!! Yeah Baby!!

No fast food!
No Soda!
Got my walk in!
124 ozs of water (24 of that was crystal lite)
ANNNNND... dah dah dah DAAAAAH...Got up 45 mins earlier than normal!!! YAY!
I didn't manage to put on makeup for work, but I DID manage to take a REALLY long and purposeful shower. It was nice to spend more than 10 mins RUSHING to get done and out of the house.

Breakfast: 1.5 english muffins with cream cheese and grape jelly
Snack: Snack Pack Chocolate Pudding. Mmmm
Lunch: Frozen MC Alfredo, veggies and a piece of garlic bread
Snack: Chips and salsa
Dinner: Foot long BMT from subway, Extra veggies
One oreo cakester, because it was sitting there on the table at the scrapbooking event, and I have always wanted to try one! lol

I didn't have to fight off any fast food cravings today, and I haven't really had a problem with quitting soda cold turkey. I HAVE been drinking one Crystal Lite: Energy a day. It has caffeine. But so far, so good on the soda and fast food goal. I am SHOCKED! But proud of myself.

NOT BAD!! :)

I just wanted to say THANK YOU! Thank you SO much to all of you who have come out in DROVES to support me in this endeavor. I have had people offering their support and great wishes via email, facebook, text and even here. Friends that I haven't seen or talked to in over 10 years, and perfect strangers that like me, that have tried out for TBL and not made it. EVEN Biggest Loser Contestants from seasons past (i am sooooo flattered!)!! I don't know if you will ever know how much it means to me. I wish I could show you. But all I can do is THANK YOU!! I will repay you by SUCCEEDING in losing and letting you watch the entire way!!!

This is a short post tonight. Time for bed. :) I was out late scrapbooking with my "Girls"! Oh how I love them!

YAY!!

Today was a victory!! I didn't get up early, BUT instead of slashing all four tires because I found out I had a flat, I forgave myself and moved on! (thank you Jillian for that bit of advice)

I went to work, made the best of breakfast and lunch, went straight to the grocery store after work and bought as much as I could with the little money I have. I was SOOOO proud of my new found coupon addiction! By matching up coupons to store adds, I brought a $156.00 bill down to $92.00!!! HOLY COW!! I walked out of there feeling like I won the Texas Lottery!!

The new banner down below, is for the Roula and Ryan show here in Houston. I am trying to lure them over to my blog. Muah ha ha ha! :) I mean, a girl can't have TOO many people to be accountable to...now can she?? They do the morning show on 104.1 KRBE. R&R are AWESOMELY FUNNY! I am always bummed when I have to leave my car to go into work!! I text them all the time with comments, as does most of Houston I would presume, but the really awesome thing is...this morning THEY TEXTED BACK!! It was Roula who struck up the convo, and was evidently intrigued with how far I had gotten in BL8 casting. I couldn't tell her much, I don't think NBC would have been to happy with me...but I told her what I could, and come to find out, her friend Nicole had tried out for a previous season, but like SOOOO many of us, was not cast. She said they kept Nicole's video, like they told me they would mine, and called her back for season 7.

I said, "Nicole...as in Nicole ON season 7???"

"Yep!" Said Roula

How awesome is that!! SO! I am not below a little shameless begging in order to get R&R to follow my blog and journey. :) They do so much for the community and I would love the support of such a great duo! We shall see!!

OKAY THEN! Now onto my other adventure into Radio this last week. Jillian Michaels' show on Sunday. EVIDENTLY there was a "technical" issue and the podcasts for Sunday will not be posted.

I AM SOOOOOOO SAD!!! I was hoping I would get to actually HEAR all the stuff Jill had to say. There were many points in our conversation where all I heard was, "OMG! That's JILLIAN! She's talking to ME!!!"....in my head... lol

So I will have to settle for a tiny shout out on Jillian's KFI640 page. They summarize all the shows, and I am listed in a little section where it says "Jillian talked to callers about..." I am obviously the Biggest Loser 8 reference. Oh well! I will just have to call her when I lose my first 50 lbs. :)

So! I had a TOTAL break down in the fast food department. I got on the elevator this afternoon to go home and I IMMEDIATELY turned to my boss:

"It smells like fried chicken in here!" (mmmm, I was thinking)

Liz "Yeah, it STINKS! Bleh" I honestly thought she was going to hurl by the look on her face. (But she had a migraine and is pregnant bless her soul.)

SO ALLLLLL the way home I was craving fried chicken. I SERIOUSLY had to talk OUT LOUD to myself on several occasions to keep from going to Hartz Chicken Buffet. (mmm) I managed to make it into Kroger without a hitch. Then back in the car. The chicken craving was still there. *sigh* EVEN though I could BARLEY breath and was sweating profusely (because I had just walked for almost an hour getting groceries) my fat butt still wanted that damn chicken.

I SAID NO!! Let me tell you how HARD this was. PEOPLE! There is a Hartz Chicken Buffet in my Kroger's parking lot!!! I had to drive past the dang thing!! TWICE!! I was SO PROUD!!

Anywho! I got home, chicken-less, parked at the very end of my drive and took MANY trips to and from the car to bring in the groceries. This was all slightly uphill, YAY ME! lol My goal was to make it last a half hour and count that as my walking. As sad as it is, my heart rate was already up from the grocery shopping, so I wanted to make use of it. :)

I made myself some Ritz with cream cheese and grape jelly instead. Granted...not the BEST snack ever. But TEN THOUSAND times better than that chicken, or anything else I would have normally come home with!!!

So! To recap the day:

My goals were:
To get up 30 mins early (didn't happen)
NO FAST FOOD!!!
To drink AT LEAST 75 - 100 oz of water
Drink ONE Diet coke, rather than 4 regular cokes. (this changed to "Quit cold turkey" around mid-day)
Walk 30 mins

What ACTUALLY happened:
NO FAST FOOD!!! (yay)
I am on my 148 oz of water! (NO SODAS!! But booooy am I craving one)
And got AT LEAST 30 mins in for walking!!

Breakfast -Vanilla Activia.
AM snack - couple bites of a questionable/nasty can of tuna fish. (not even counting it)
Lunch - Sweet Potato and probably a BIT too much butter*
PM snack - Ritz, cream cheese and Grape jelly. Also a large glass of milk
Dinner - 3 ears of fresh corn (OH MY WORD was it good corn!! and half a can of baked beans)

*While I am waiting for Jillian's book to arrive, I want to be perfectly clear as to what my goals are right now. I want to get out of the Fast Food habit/addiction/rut. So, you might see me eating things that are not considered "health food" by any means. But for me, they are a HUGE step and MUCH better alternative to things I would have had instead. :)

What can I improve on tomorrow??
Get up 30 mins early and put on some make up for work. :)
Plus continue the goals I accomplished today

Wish me luck!!!

Oh dear...

So today was SUPPOSED to be the second day of the rest of my life...but man, I dropped the ball. SOOO soon after I started. Old habits die hard, and I KNOW that if I am given the slightest bit of an excuse to not change, I take it.

Case in point. Today, I am swollen still (from over a week and a half without the proper meds) this affects my breathing and is extremely painful in my feet, ankles and calves. My TOES hurt! Anywho, I am also SEVERELY dehydrated because I haven't actually drank water in 3 days. *GASP* I haven't filled our water cooler in a while, and refuse to drink Houston tap water. (Can you blame me??) So if the cooler doesn't have a full water bottle in it, I just don't drink water. :( I drink it ALL the time at work. About 100-150 ounces a day.

So to make a long, excuse ridden story short... I didn't go food shopping today, due to my meds keeping me in the loo all day, and because I am so EXHAUSTED from being dehydrated. It all just seemed so overwhelming. I did manage to drag my husband out of the house to fill up the water containers, so we have water chilling in the dispenser now.

As for meals today...ahem...Here goes:

Breakfast: Chips and salsa (breakfast of champions in Mexico I hear: and the only thing in the house)
Lunch: one last hurrah! at Panda Express when I drug my hubby out to get water. Of course I went through the drive through as I couldn't manage to peel myself from the drivers seat long enough to actually go IN.
Dinner: Two bologna sandwiches and half a small bag of rice-cake-chips. Go figure, I actually counted the calories on this meal.
There were a few unfortunate Almond Roca thrown into the mix at various points during the day as well.

Just so today isn't a TOTAL waste, I have decided to use it as an example of what NOT to do!!! A day like today is EXACTLY what WILL happen when you DON'T plan! I did come up with my grocey/coupon list, and a menu for the week. So tomorrow after work I will head to Kroger's and go shopping.

As for breakfast tomorrow. I have some Ezekiel English muffins and peanut butter. I will have one of those with some yogurt.

I have a pretty large stash of sweet potatoes. I guess they were on sale a while ago??? I will take one of those in for lunch. Actually. I think I have a sweet potato in my desk at work. LMAO!! So there ya go. Sweet potato it is. :)

I watched a video last week of Bob at the season 7 finale. He was asked, "Do you have any advice for those sitting out there that want to get started?" Bob said, "3 things: Get up 30 mins earlier, go for a walk at SOME point during the day, and cut out the sodas! Doing these three things will make a HUGE difference in how you feel" (I paraphrased)

So, combining the wisdom of the black and blue team: I WILL GET UP 30 MINS EARLY!! I will move from sugared coke to diet (with the intention of being off soda by next Sunday)

annnnd...since I promised Jill (and Mindy) I would walk 30 mins a day, 5 days a week. That starts tomorrow. :) Wish me luck! This beginning part is always the hardest. We've all been there a thousand times! This will be my last! Your support TRULY means the world to me.

Thank you!!

Conversations with a hero...

WOW! That is all I have to really say about today. WOW! So, many of you that follow me on Facebook or Twitter know that today was the day I got to talk to my Hero. Yes that's right! The FABULOUS Jillian Michaels (pictured at right). Just typing her name brings a tear to my eye. (Oh I am such a dork) How can someone help but to be in awe of the power this tiny woman posses that brings 400 even 500 lb men to their knees, BEGGING her to take away the pain!!! She just laughs at them and makes them run for 30 more seconds, ignoring their plees, tears and puke!

You HAVE to love her!!

All joking aside. I truly admire this woman. Everyday she gives 150% of herself in order to bring those around her into a better and more fulfilling life. My heros are people who constantly strive to give more of themselves than they expect to be given in return. Jillian embodies this principal. Thank you Jillian.

So here is how it played out! I was home from church today. I hadn't had $ to get my meds for over a week, so my poor feet were SO swollen, I couldn't even get my shoes on. So, home I was with a diuretic and frequent trips to the loo. (you really wanted to know all that...right?) I suddenly remembered that Jillian's radio show on KFI AM-640 aired live on Sundays. Something I rarely get to hear live, I just subscribe to the podcast. So off I went and caught the show 5 mins in. I had tried to call into the show before, but both times, she was answering email, not phone calls.

TODAY WAS MY DAY!

I got through and her producer Janice answered the ringing phone.
"Jillian Michaels Show. What's your question?"
(me, somewhat hi pitched and excited) "Janice?"
"Yes! Hi! Do you have a question for Jillian?"
"Oh my gosh! Hi!! Yes!!..." Insert a bit here about barely making it on BL8, and the reason for my call, and add in a pretty hefty dash of tears.

Janice put me right through, said it might be a bit before Jillian takes the call, but she would and to hold tight! I sat there on hold, getting more nervous as the seconds went on. Janice wasn't sure how many calls Jillian would take before me, so I thought I had a while to gain my nerves.

WRONG!

"Kristin! Welcome to KFI!!"

"AHHHH!!! Jillian!! HII!!"

I have NO idea what I said, or how much of a dork I sounded like, but lemme tell you, the adrenaline was flowing freely and I cannot be responsible for how I sounded. I might as well had 18 margaritas, and not the virgin kind. (and I don't drink...so that is saying A LOT!!) It's a bit foggy right now, but the entire call lasted for about 18 minutes. MOST of that was on the phone with Jill.

I started off with a bit about how much of an inspiration she is, how I barely missed being cast on BL season8 (which they JUST started filming last week) and then told her how much I weigh. THAT is when the floodgates opened.

My question went something like this...(i hope)

"I have read all the books, done all the diets, and have WAY too much information floating around in my brain. It has paralyzed me. Where do I start??? It is just SO overwhelming. I have done the organic thing, Adkins, blah blah blah...you have heard it all...Where do I start!!??"

Jill talked about the biggest loser and how people come to the Ranch with the same issue. She told me what she tells them.

"Start with the basics. You are not ready for ALL the information. You are trying to drive a Ferrari, when you don't even know how to drive! You need to start with a Toyota!"

(me) "Jill!! I can't even FIT into a Toyota!!"

(Jill) "You will be driving that Ferrari when I am done!" (or something like that)

It was a killer analogy. Did she KNOW that I was a car enthusiast? Nope. Did she know that I had been saying for the last 4 days, "I feel like I am just spinning my wheels!!" Nope. Her words were truly inspired whether she knows it or not.

Jillian goes on, "The Ferrari is an awesome car! But is it SUPER hard to drive! It's hard to handle, and terribly FAST! Not a car for a beginner. But MAN is it fun to drive! You need to start with the more reliable, slower Toyota. Then once you've mastered that, you can move on the Ferrari"

I have been reading her book Master Your Metabolism. Which after this conversation with her, I realize, might as well be the operators manual for the Ferrari Enzo. It is all about the things we eat and use in day to day life that affect our hormones. Plastics, pesticides, chemicals, antibiotics etc. VERY important things, but in the grand scheme, not for me at this point in the process. I have been trying to put this Supercar into first gear for YEARS...

It was live on the air, so when they post the podcast tomorrow (or tues) you can hear it. I will let you all know. :) I was the second or third call in I think. I AM SO EXCITED!! She is sending me her first book, "Winning By Losing" which is one I have wanted for a while now and just not had the money to spend on it. As well as some DVD's and a subscription to her website which I LOVED (i had a free trial) but also couldn't afford. YAYAY!! I am on cloud nine!!

Her advice to me?

1) to not worry about anything but the Math. Calories in Calories out. Don't worry about eating Organic, or about macro-nutrients etc. Just calories.
2) Walk 30 mins 5 times a week.

I CAN DO THAT!!

She said all the details would be explained in her book. What this experience helped me to realize is that at my weight, everything is SOOO basic. It was just about bringing me back down to a place where I felt I could HANDLE it, and giving me permission to start small!! That is what I needed to hear. I am sure had I contacted her about hitting a plateau or something, the call would have been a lot different: what are you eating, how many calories are you consuming, how often are you working out, etc. Right now, I just needed permission to start with an attainable goal. She gave me that along with the resources I need to start is AMAZING process! I can't wait to get my hands on that book!! I am going to be checking the mail EVERY day!

So as far as what tomorrow will bring:

I will be taking my coupons and heading to the store to buy good food. No more eating out, or eating crap. I will buy some bulk chicken, hamburger and pork chops. Some freezer bags and divvy everything up! I might even head over to Sam's Club! *GASP* I HATE shopping at Sam's because I have to walk 800 miles to buy 30 lbs of toilet paper! But the exercise will be good, and maybe I can save us some money!

I will also stock up on Lean Cuisines and Salad. Bell peppers, cukes and apples (all Jordan's favorite) I might even get some melons! I will have to cut them all up and portion them out though. If I leave them whole in the fridge, Jordan will hork them down. He would eat through a cantaloupe patch a day if it was available to him! I guess I shouldn't be complaining, but MAN! Fruit is NOT CHEAP!!!

Thanks for reading!! Have a safe Holiday!

Dollar Store Lettuce...

Welcome to day one of the rest of my life!! I am trying to stay super positive here, but I just got back from a terrible weigh in at WW. I gained, how much, is not terribly important in this first post, but it puts me at a whopping 562.4 lbs. Ugh...

My wonderful and well-meaning friends all told me what I already know; Bad week, stressed about possibly losing my job, which I love dearly, severe water retention because I didn't have money for my meds etc. This made me feel warm and fuzzy, and gave me the hope I was looking for. Then along comes my Kathleen (ah, my Kathleen, How much do I love her? Let me count the ways...) Let me quote you her text, but you must promise to read it in a Brooklyn accent...

"That's because u ate poorly this week. Just because u are low on funds does not mean you have to eat shit. Head of lettuce is a buck"

I died laughing. She is so right, and it sucks. SO, now I am back to the drawing board on how to eat well on a severely limited budget. Can man truly live on a head of lettuce a day?? Probably not, BUT the point is well taken. You CAN eat healthy and not spend TONS of money. So yeah, maybe RIGHT NOW is not a good time to throw out everything in my pantry, head to Whole Foods and buy Organic. BUT I can start slow.

I GUARANTEE you that for $13, what I would USUALLY spend on Taco Bell; I can buy a couple organic chicken breasts, a head of broccoli and a big box of Minute Rice (my husband will NOT eat anything but. I have tried, so I gave up on that battle) There would still be a bit of money left over and I could buy a couple of those Lean Cuisines that are on sale.

So there is the nasty truth! I tell myself over and over that there is "NO MONEY" for good food. It's a crock of crap!! I just admitted that I can feed TWO PEOPLE, a healthy, half-ly organic meal, on what I would normally spend on ONE BINGE for myself!!! (Plus I got a couple LC's for lunches at work!!!)

That is EXACTLY what I want this blog to be. A forum for me, and any one else like me, to STOP LYING TO THEMSELVES!! It is serving NO ONE and just making us MISERABLE!!

Don't you want to be happy!? I do! :) Come be happy with me!

The floor is now open for comments, suggestions and stoning. ;)